Cleared on 15. May, the woman from Nice talks about her six nightmare months of waiting after her hearing for three no-shows. Before her fourteenth Roland, she’s savouring her second career.
Installed Friday in the players’ café with her partner and coach Michael Kusaj, Alizé Cornet is on time for the interview, and reflects, between a big smile and a few tears, on her five months of “nightmares” between the announcement of her three no shows and her being cleared, And talks in passing about her hearing.
The looks from others
“When it came out in the press (24. January), that was by far the most difficult week. I didn’t take it being exposed to the world very well. While it was between my team and me, I managed it more or less. When everyone knew, it was like I was stripped naked. In St. Petersburg [beginning of February] I had to face the looks of my colleagues. I was more afraid of what my fellow players thought of me than the public. There’s not a lot of talk about players with two no-shows, but there are tonnes. A lot of players are panicking. It’s a taboo subject. Every tongue loosened with me. Players talked about their own experiences. I found out some crazy things. All who are part of the anti-doping programme know about the constraints involved. They were kind and understanding. I was agreeably surprised and hugely reassured. I passed the test in St Petersburg.”
Playing to forget
“In my mind, I had no other option than to play. I had nothing to reproach myself with. I wasn’t going to stay at home being gloomy. If I didn’t play tennis, I would have thought about it 24 hours a day. The only place I didn’t think about it was on the court. It was my outlet. The court saved me. I had a weight on my shoulders but I kept acting as if it were nothing. I trained the same way with the same intensity. I didn’t look for excuses. My body held up, my spirit held up, for better or worse. Nothing much changed on the court. It was more off the court my routine changed. It was the only way to stay out of a depression. That’s when I realised I was strong mentally and especially that those around me are good. It saved my life [starts to cry]. You see the love around you that helps you overcome all that. It was a traumatising experience, but enriching at the same time. I held my head high and my back straight. I proved things to myself and it gives me a lot of confidence in what I can endure.”
“I prepared myself mentally, but I didn’t prepare what I was going to say. I’m a spontaneous person and I’ve always been best when it’s instinctive. I’ve often more confidence in my head than my tennis [smiles]. On the other hand, I was mentally prepared to hear false accusations, potential provocations for the other party’s lawyer, questions from the jury etc. I was questioned for one hour and 15 minutes in English. That’s a long time. I put a sort of armour on to arrive serene and confident, telling myself: ‘Believe in yourself — you only need to explain the truth.’ The only thing that had me doubting a bit was if my English level would hold up under the stress. In fact, I found the words right away. I was hyper calm, in the zone, like in a match where I had nothing to lose. If I were as concentrated on a tennis court, I could do some damage [laughs]. I was confident in myself and in my lawyers who had done good work. The judges recognised that I was straight and honest. It was the match of my career.”
“The two weeks of waiting after the hearing were tough to get through. You expect an answer almost every day, and it comes at the last minute of the last day. I knew it would be Monday or Tuesday [14 or 15 May]. I was on edge every minute expecting a call. Alexis [Gramblat, her lawyer] was supposed to call us. Those two days felt like an eternity. They were longer than the previous six months. I’m managed emotionally super well for six months, but I almost had a nervous breakdown those final hours. When I read the text message “We won …” from Alexis, it didn’t sink in right away. We all cried with joy and especially relief. It was a very heavy moment. It was the victory that started the rest of my life. Even though I’d gone as far as a hearing and they’d made me very afraid, it was the biggest lesson of my life about that thing. Mica and I built this thing with 12 alarms for Adams [the IT anti’doping system]. We check it 10 times a day. It’s a trauma and it’s become an obsession. When I had two no-shows, it was there already, I was on the alert, but it was badly set up. In the end, I was cleared and I told myself there was justice.”
A new youth
” I know that everything that happens from today is something I might not have experienced. Every day spent here I consider a bonus. Win or lose, that’s secondary in the end. Going on court, being able to play, making myself happy, playing matches, I’d taken it all as a given, and today I’ve regained ten years. I don’t know how I’ll play, but mentally I won’t be the same player. I’m an adolescent again. I rejoice in all I see. I’m rediscovering Roland with new eyes. I bounced around impatiently waiting to take the plane here. Normally it’s a pleasure, but also stressful. This year I’m too content. Yesterday [Wednesday] I was on Catrier. I sat down on the the bench, I looked around and I stoned. When you’ve been a pro for so many years, they’re things that seem normal but really aren’t. There are millions of kids who dream of that. I’ll try and keep it precious.”
No going backwards
“At draw time, I was a lot less stressed than normal, when usually you can’t talk to me for an hour. I saw I was playing Errani and I thought, ‘Damn! I’m going to be doing nothing but run, we’ll be playing four hours.” We had fun. [laughs] I didn’t even look at the rest of the draw. I’m taking whatever comes with a minimum of concern. And there’s always my perfectionism that catches up to me. You need to make the difference between putting things into perspective and ‘I couldn’t care less’. ‘Couldn’t care less’ isn’t my cup of tea. There’s a chance I’ll be a bit nervous [laughs], otherwise it wouldn’t be me. But it won’t be in the same way. Lately I’ve been anxious, heavy-hearted, uneasy. Now, if I’m nervous, it will be a bit healthier. I might moan as usual, but it won’t be as much of an emotional overload. It would be bizarre if that changed. But perspective will help me be a bit more calm and lucid.
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